Release Your Inhibitions
by Ngetal Child
Summary: Very old collab with Bdev that I will now set out to finish. "A boring afternoon of outdoor activities proves dangerous when someone targets Sang under the boys' noses. As the boys start to hunt down the one responsible, they struggle to balance the strain of their mission, petty high school drama, and keeping Sang safe.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is an old collaboration I started with my good friend Bdevlin314. Unfortunately, life got in the way for her and we had to put this story on a major halt. I decided to take it on, with her permission, to complete it. Mind you, this story was written before Push and Shove came out, so our conclusions actually mirrored what happened in Cl's lovely series nicely. All credit and characters go to CL, I'm just a mega fan who enjoys exploring her amazing series for kicks, not profit.

Release Your Inhibitions Part 1

We exit through the back doors of the school and head out to the athletic fields. Our destination is the track which surrounds the football field. We have to walk pass the other athletic fields to get over there. My sneakers are kicking up dust on the dirt path. Along the way I check out the baseball diamond and notice the disrepair that it's in. Now, I understand why Silas wasn't sure if he was going to play baseball here. Maybe I can convince the other guys to help me clean it up and improve it as a surprise for Silas. On the way to the track Mrs. French gives us instructions.

"Now girls next week we're starting our testing, you're going to be timed for a mile run and you have to do it in less than 10 minutes. Today I want you to do at least three miles. You have all period. I don't care if you have to walk it, just get it done. That's 12 laps".

We finally make it to the track and I see the guys on the football field already playing flag football. Me and Karen head over to the benches so she can put her water bottle down with everyone else's. I wish I thought to bring a water. Maybe Nathan or Gabe will have a bottle if I need it. We do some simple stretches and when we both feel ready we start to jog. We jog four laps easily in comfortable silence. I start to breath heavier when we start the fifth lap. I need to seriously think about getting fit, if I'm going to keep getting attacked and having to run away.

"So did you pick one yet"? Karen asks me as we jog around the track.

"P—Pick one what" I ask confused

"The guys yet silly, you've been dating them all haven't you, so have you picked one" she ask me with a look of interest in her eyes.

I feel my face turn red, and I wheeze a little from trying to keep up with Karen's pace. I'm not that athletic, and this is starting to kick my butt.

"Oh um no, I don't know, I um have been hanging out with them all like you said" I sheepishly reply.

"I need a break" I manage to pant out as we are coming up on the benches. Thank god I changed the subject. I don't think I can talk about them right now.

Karen slows down and we stop at the benches. I glance over and notice she's not even out of breath or sweating.

"Here" she says handing me her Fiji water, "You look like you could use a sip"

"Thank you so much" I'm practically salivating at the thought of water. I twist the cap off of the already half gone water, take two huge gulps and swallow. The water has a nasty taste almost like battery acid or bitter chemicals and leaves a gritty taste in my mouth. I instantly freeze at the realization that it's probably been drugged. I dump the water bottle out on the ground ignoring Karen's protest.

"What the hell Sang, I wanted some too. What's wrong?" she ask

"I, umm I-I I need to find the guys now" I stammer out.

I frantically search the football field looking for Nathan and Gabe. I finally spot them and their on the complete other side of the field. Oh course. I start walking across the field trying to act as normal as possible so I don't draw attention to myself.

"Sang where are you going, what's the matter" Karen ask while following me

"Not now" is all I manage to get out.

I'm walking across the field and I notice how good looking Gabe is. He's running and I can see the definition of his muscles. I keep walking closer to them, hoping that by the time I get over there I'll be able to get their attention. I get to the end of the field and I wave at Nathan to come over. He holds up a finger indicating he'll be here in a minute. I people watch trying to figure out who could have done this. Was it the same person? What's going to happen to me? Will I act like North did?

"Karen, I'm sorry about your water, go finish running, I have something personal I need to say to Nathan. I'm sorry" I say trying to get her to leave.

Karen looks at me like she doesn't buy it, but she nods once and jogs off.

I look back at the football field and watch Gabe grab the flag off of the guy who had the ball. The guys are all so athletic. It's impressive. I start shifting my weight from one foot to the other I can't stand still.

I feel nervous, comfortable and safe. I feel goose bumps and excited. I feel alive. I want to smile, and laugh. I start to giggle out loud. The scent of fresh cut grass and rain hits me. The sky is gray and gloomy, and I can feel the moisture in the air. I can tell it's going to rain soon. I hear the cackle of lighting in the distance and I feel as though God is mocking me. I am beyond frustrated, how did I manage to get myself drugged. North told me never to drink something after I put it down. I should have remembered that. Even if it was Karen's water bottle, that we left unattended. Now it's going to rain and I don't know if I'll freak out. North is going to be so mad at me.

I look over and see the guys staring at me with concern and that sets off a whole new round of laughter. I can't help it, I feel so giddy and free. I want to dance.

"Gabe sing me a song" I yell.

The guys jog up to me quickly.

I start humming my own melody and twirling around while kind of skipping. This feels fantastic, why don't I dance more often?

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic. It's fantastic. You can brush my hair. Undress me everywhere. Imagination. Life is your creation." I sing the words directly to Nathan and Gabe.

Gabe actually has his mouth opened wide in shock and his cheeks are red. I don't understand why. Why won't he start singing and dancing with me? He liked dancing with me before. Am I that bad at it? I rock my hips back and forth to the beat in my head, like Gabe did with me when we danced at Nathan's.

I decide I'm having too much fun to stop so I make eye contact with the guys "I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink, Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky... You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours" I sing.

I see the guys exchange looks, oh joy silent academy communication at work.

"Why do you guys always do that thing with your eyes, you know it's obvious right. And very annoying." I say while continuing to dance and twirl.

I want to feel the grass beneath my feet so I kick my shoes off and pull off my socks. Nathan tries to stop me, but I just start singing louder. I hear Gabe mention something about Mr. B. but I didn't catch what. Didn't I come over here to tell them something? Eh I don't remember, must not have mattered.

"Look guys a butterfly"!

The guys keep telling me we need to go, but I keep pulling out of their grasp and moving my hips. We can't leave gym class. Why do they keep asking me what's wrong? Nathan comes up behind me and attempts to pick me up, but I back my butt up and start swaying my body hoping he'll dance with me .

"Miss Sorenson, stop it right now" I hear Mr. B call.

I stop dancing turn around and start laughing.

Mr. B and Sean and standing there with worried looks on their faces. Sean takes me by the arm.

"Come on Sang we need to leave."

I allow him to tug me along.

"Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I'm hot for teacher" I belt out while wiggling my eye brows at Sean.

I see him flash me his signature cheeky grin.

"Teacher stop that screaming, teacher don't you see. Don't wanna be no uptown fool. Maybe I should go to hell, but I'm doin' well, teacher needs to see me after school." I sing and then wink at Mr. B.

"I think about all the education that I missed But then again my homework was never quite like this. I got it bad, got it bad, got it bad. I'm hot for teacher" I finish singing.

I look at Mr. B and I see him actually crack a smile and I feel accomplished.

"You know, you two are very hot for teachers, in case you didn't know" I tell them matter-of-factly.

I realize we're on the side of the school heading towards the parking lot. I feel something wet splash onto my cheek and I freeze, digging my heels into the ground. I look up to the sky and it starts raining. Suddenly I feel like I can't breathe, yet every time I take a deep breath in and then let it out, I have no trouble. Yet, still, I have that sense that I cannot get enough oxygen into my lungs. I can feel my heart pounding inside my chest.

Oh, look a rainbow!

"Rainbows are so pretty." "My guys are pretty." I sigh.

Are they my guys? I feel scared to let them all of the way in. Afraid to fall, afraid to feel everything. I think it would be easy to do. I can see myself giving into them. Droplets of water start to hit my face and my mind flashes to the shower. I panic and fall to my knees. Nathan kneels down in front of me and I see his face

"Would it ruin everything if I kissed you?" I ask

Would it work? Would it be worth it? When I think of any of them I feel joy. I feel like I can tell them almost anything but at the same time I feel shy. And my face turns red.

Nathan ignored my question and picks me up. My minds flashes to Mccoy attacking me in the showers and I scream. I can smell Nathan's scent and I know I'm in his arms but I keep seeing Mccoy's face. I suddenly feel nauseous and I can feel goose bumps starting at my toes and quickly making their way up my spine. I hear Nathan whispering to me on the way to the cars

"Peanut you're going to be fine".

I let out a long sigh "I think one of you likes me but then you back off. What's up with that? Am I crazy or are you all getting close to kissing me and then backing away? Do real friends cuddle and sleep together like we do? Sometimes I just want to grab you guys and touch and kiss you but I don't know if you feel the same. Is it normal to feel like this? I'm such a bad person, I have feelings for all of you. I think. All of you make me think things. I miss ALL of you. I like sleeping with ALL of you. You guys are going to get jealous and fight over me and I'll fall apart. I don't want people fighting over me. How am I supposed to pick one? Do you guys all really not care if we all date? Are we dating? Can you date nine guys at once?"

My vision starts to blur on the sides and I get that tension headache that throbs right behind my eyes. I swear that it can't just all be in my head, there has to be something wrong with me. Oh yeah the water. I start laughing. Stupid water. Stupid showers.

"Why is it always water?" I question

"You actually listen to me" I tell Nathan.

We have an intellectual connection that isn't just superficial.

"You challenge me and don't just let me win" I yell over to Gabe whose walking beside Nathan and I.

I must have some incurable disease or a brain tumor that's inoperable. I look down at my gym shorts and focus on the stitching while I take a deep breath to try and calm myself.

"I want a boyfriend"

It's something I've wanted for a long time but never allowed myself to have. It's dangerous emotionally. From what I've read in books it seems like it'd be nice to have someone who loved me. Nathan places me in the back of Mr. B's BMW and gets in after me. Gabe gets in on my other side. Sean gets into the front passenger seat, and Mr. B starts driving.

Where do we go from here? We're treading on dangerous ground.

"I think together we could conquer the world."

We would make an unstoppable team. Fear gets in the way.

"Stupid Volto. Stupid pictures."

Why am I in constant danger? The guys are going to think I'm a burden. I feel a pain in my chest. I check my pulse, on both wrist for good measure and then on my neck, just to make sure I'm not having some sort of stroke and to make sure my blood is still flowing through my veins.

"I don't know where your heads are really at." I tell them.

"I know I hold back when I'm with you. I have to hold back. I think sex would be amazing. The people in the books I read always say that sex is good. Would I be bad at it? Do you guys think about sex when you're with me? The books said that guys always think about sex. Is that all you guys think about or all that you would want me with? Maybe we should just start with making out. Would you guys want to make out? If we made out would you be seeing other girls and making out with them too? I've really wanted to kiss some of you. I've been really close but I didn't want you to get mad or for it to be wrong." I rant.

Do I feel more than friendship?

"Or are you guys just my best friends?" I ask no one specific.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I moan out loud.

I'm starting to get really hot. Why am I having this attack? I don't feel right. Something feels funny. Is it really all in my head? Ugh I hot it's to muggy in this car.

"You make me laugh, and I feel like I can talk to you. I feel like you understand me. If we date up will it ruin that? I know it would be smarter to avoid it but you keep pulling me back." I say out loud.

My mind is moving so fast. It keeps telling me a hundred diagnoses a minute. I'm dying. They love me. They're sick of me. I'm crazy. Something's wrong with me. They think of me as a sister. We're family. I find my thoughts constantly returning to them.

"When you text me, I like how I instantly smile".

It just happens subconsciously. We have so much in common, yet were ten entirely different people. It's like a fantasy, or a day dream. One you've always wished to happen but don't actually know if you want it to because you're afraid it will shake your world to the core. You're afraid it might have the power to change everything. Change is good right? But would it be for the better? Could I not get attached? Should I?

"Sometimes I feel like I should just say forget it, and let you guys just do want you want without over analyzing. I should trust you all right. And I do trust you, it's my feelings I don't trust. I'm hardly ever reckless, and I want to just let go so bad and not have to worry. It's like the feelings I get when you guys touch me. When you bite my fingers I heat up inside, it's the same when you wash my hair, or nuzzle my nose, or touch my stomach, or kiss me through my fingers on my mouth. It's the way I feel when I fall asleep in one of your arms, or when you wink at me. Why do I get those feelings with all of you? Should I stop myself from feeling that way? Why do those feelings make me over think your intentions?"

I crawl my way into Gabe's lap. Ugh god, why is it so hot? I whip my shirt off. I hear someone gasp.

"Pumpkin, put your shirt back on please."

Forget that, I'm dying. Before anyone can stop me I roll down the window and throw my shirt out. Gabe manages to get the window up, but we don't stop for my shirt. But then I think of all the consequences and what can go wrong with the guys and it makes me second guess myself.

"It's like the more I try to resist you guys the more I'm drawn to you, the more I think about you."

I know that it would be smart to just take what they give me and let whatever happens to happen but, Should I allow it to happen? I feel like I guard my heart and my mind. Yet with everything that doesn't matter I am too openly honest. I guess since I hold all of the important stuff in I have to let everything else out. That's one thing about them all, I feel like I get to let some of those small things out that I can't tell anyone else. I feel like I can actually trust them.

I start to snuggle up on Gabe. I realize I can't hear anything other than my pounding heart. I put my face in his neck and try to breathe him in, but I don't really smell his scent. I start to nuzzle my nose at his face. Suddenly I just want to be closer to him. I grab his head and run my fingers through his hair. It feels so silky smooth. I hear his intake of breath. I want to feel more of him so I run my hands down his chest and I can feel the definition of his muscles. I look up and see him biting his lip. Looking at his lip sends foreign sensations to my core. I bring both my hands up to cup his face and lean in to kiss him. He pushes me away slightly to stop my advance and I start to cry.

"Why don't you want me" I whine.

When did I get like this? When did I become afraid of life?

"Is it my fault?" "Do you like someone else, do you all like someone else? Am I not good enough?" I cry.

My vision is blurred and the tears are making it impossible to see. Is there something I did that sets this off? Or am I just crazy?

"Will we have the same relationship if we start dating, are you guys going to make me pick just one of you? Are you guys going to ask me to be exclusive? If one of you did that would the others get mad? If we have the same relationship as now will I develop stronger feelings for you or for the others?" I cry.

There are so many unknown variables to worry about. I know I shouldn't be a tease but I like our flirty friendship. I want to take it further, I'm just scared, or maybe just stuck in the friend zone, and maybe that's how it should be. Ugh I just don't know. And that's half the problem, I literally don't know anything. I haven't even kissed someone. I don't even know what normal is. I'm not normal.

I realize that I'm not normal and I know nothing and I start to uncontrollably sob. The guys would never want me. I jump out of Gabe's Lap and curl into a ball so I'm not touching anyone. I sit and sob. When the guys try to comfort me I lash out at them and scream not to touch me.

I feel my body start shaking and I don't realize what's going on. My body feels like it's on fire. I suddenly feel a sharp tightening in my chest that really hurts and it makes me really sleepy. My vision is going blurry around the edges and I can't cry anymore. It's difficult to take breaths in. I feel so sleepy. Maybe I should just nap. My body is still shaking as I hear frantic yelling.

"Peanut, say with me please."

"Oy, Trouble, we're almost there. Dr. Green do something, were loosing her"

I try to speak but my mouth feels funny. I manage to mumble out "Pain, hot, sleep" before unconsciousness takes me.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Again, all credit for the characters and scenarios in the Ghost Bird series go to the magnificent CL. I own nothing and profit from nothing. Comments, reviews, or questions welcome and much appreciated! :D

Release Your Inhibitions Part 2

Public high school fucking sucked. I had to say that to myself at least a dozen times every day. Ashley Waters High just happened to be a nice extra cherry of suck on the shit sundae that was high school. Being stuck on a dusty field in the middle of blazing sunshine with homophobe assholes was somehow worse. We had only been playing "flag" football for maybe ten minutes and I had already been tackled three times. Thankfully, Nathan had my back and caught onto what was happening and moved to intercept quickly. I felt sweat trickle down my neck as we took a quick break. My ribs on my left side twinged a little from the last tackle and I knew I would have some lovely bruises on my side.

Nathan was catching his breath next to me and I found my attention diverted to the track around the field. The girls were running laps right now and Trouble looked like she was just miserable! I remembered back to the first day of gym class when she had told me she hated running with a passion. I couldn't help but chuckle at her obvious displeasure. Nathan got my attention and we were back into the game from hell. Why did we need gym class again?

I had just snagged the flags from one of the biggest assholes in the game when Nathan's waving hand got my attention. He nodded his head and I followed the direction he indicated. Seeing Trouble swaying slightly in a daze near the field set me on edge instantly. She was looking up at the sky as if she had never seen in before, a small giggle bursting from her cupids bow lips.

"Trouble? What the hell is the matter with you? Trouble? Sang!"

"What the hell? Peanut?"

She didn't appear to hear my voice and I went from confused to concerned instantly. She slowly turned her gaze to us and the glassy, dull look in her eyes sent ice through my veins. The way they track us in bursts was unnatural and I knew something was wrong. I sent a quick glance Nathan's way and I could see my own confusion and fear reflected in his eyes. The sudden peal of giggles that burst out from Sang did nothing to assuage my fears. A loopy grin settled over her glazed expression and she started swaying her hips lightly back and forth. She opened her mouth and yelled out loudly to me.

"Gabe, sing me a song!"

This broke me out of the trance Nathan and I seemed to have entered and I broke out into a jog to get over to her quickly. Nathan kept pace with me and in a few quick strides, we reached her side. By this point she was humming softly to herself, twirling and skipping in a small circle. I saw Nathan reach out for her when she belted out into unexpected song.

"I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world. Life in plastic. It's fantastic. You can brush my hair. Undress me everywhere. Imagination. Life is your creation."

I felt my mouth drop open in shock. I would never have even suspected that Sang knew of that song, let alone be able to sing it. The way she looked at us on the last few lines, shaking her hips in tantalizing circles dried out my mouth and I had to swallow to wet it again. Fucking hell, Gabe I chided myself. Something's fucking wrong with Trouble and you've got your mind in the fucking gutter!

"Peanut, stop moving for a second, ok? I need you to look at me." Nathan tried reaching for her arms again, but she seemed to sense his advance and stepped out of his reach.

"I'm a blond bimbo girl, in a fantasy world Dress me up, make it tight, I'm your dolly You're my doll, rock'n'roll, feel the glamour in pink, Kiss me here, touch me there, hanky panky... You can touch, you can play, if you say: "I'm always yours."

At this Nathan stiffened and looked directly at me. Something's seriously wrong with Sang.

No shit Sherlock! What was your first clue?

Not now Gabe, call the Doc and Mr. B.

Our silent conversation was interrupted by Sang, who sounded irritated in a distant way.

"Why do you guys always do that thing with your eyes, you know it's obvious, right? And very annoying."

She continued to twirl and sway in place and something about the whole situation was just so fucking wrong, it wasn't funny. It was like we were finally being able to see the Sang that lived inside her head, but it was being forced out against her will. It felt like a deep violation and I felt sick. I whipped out my phone and desperately pushed at the Doc's app. He picked up on the second ring and I felt a small burst of relief at his familiar voice.

"Gabe? What's wrong?"

"Doc, you need to get here immediately. We're on the football field and Sang's acting really fucked up. Her eyes are glazed and she's giggling non-stop and singing and dancing and shit. I think she was drugged with something. Is Mr. Blackbourne with you?"

"Gabriel, take a deep breath. I'm heading your way now. Owen's right here. Try to get Sang off the field and calmed down without drawing attention, ok? We'll meet you there."

He quickly hung up and I turned back around to find a site that would have normally resulted in instant laughter. But this was so far from being fucking funny. So, so far. Sang was swaying more precariously and her eyes were so dilated that her normally gorgeous green eyes looked pure black from where I was standing. She was glancing around again, her eyes tracking slowly and with weird jolts.

"The Doc and Mr. B are on their way. They told us to keep her calm and to try to get her out of here."

Nathan gave me a tight nod and I could see his eyes pinch as he kept his gaze intently on Sang's movements. We kept trying to cajole and herd Sang towards the school building, but she was fighting us every step of the way. It was like she couldn't focus on anything for more than a few seconds at a time. Nathan finally appeared to reach the limit of his patience and put his arms around Sang with the intention of picking her up. What neither of us was expecting was for Trouble to back up until she was flush against Nathan's front and to begin rocking those hips right into him as she swayed side to side.

Nathan froze, his hands hovering over her waist, as a bright red flush went up his face. I felt as if my own mind had blanked out for a second at her actions. Put in Nathan's place right now, I'd probably be dying as well. Trouble and her fucking sexy as hell body. It just wasn't fair.

"Miss Sorenson, stop that right now!"

At the unexpected bark from Mr. Blackbourne, I snapped out of my thoughts and whirled around to find the Doc and Mr. Blackbourne charging across the field. The Doc went right up to Sang and grabbed at her arm, turning her to face him, his gaze concerned and intense. Mr. Blackbourne turned to me and there was pure command in his face.

"Report Mr. Coleman, Mr. Griffin. Now. What happened?"

I had seen Mr. Blackbourne in various degrees of scary throughout my short life, from oh shit, I'm grounded for life to fuck, fuck fuck! But this? This was a whole 'nother level of terror. I had heard the term murderous before and thought I understood what it meant. I had no fucking clue. The only thing that prevented my heart from stopping in complete and total fear was the knowledge that his deadly anger was not directed at me.

"I have no clue! We were playing the game and Trouble was running one second then she was twirling and giggling like a fucking maniac the next!"

"Mr. Blackbourne, it was really sudden. I saw Peanut hurrying over to us from the far track and had to wait for a break in the game. We got out of the game and she was looking at the sky, giggling like a crazy person. I have no clue what the hell happened."

Sang's voice drifted our way as the Doc gently pulled her along. She was belting at the top of her lungs with a crazy grin on her face.

"Teacher stop that screaming, teacher don't you see. Don't wanna be no uptown fool. Maybe I should go to hell, but I'm doin' well, teacher needs to see me after school."

At her saucy wink to Mr. Blackbourne, I felt my mouth pop open in shock. Her next line froze my brain completely for a second.

"I think about all the education that I missed But then again my homework was never quite like this. I got it bad, got it bad, got it bad. I'm hot for teacher."

I choked a little at this and shot a glance Mr. Blackbourne's way. I couldn't tell if the quick flutter of his lips was a grimace or a grin, but I somehow suspected the later. If I was stunned before, however, the next thing out of Sang's mouth about melted my mind. I couldn't handle this shit!

"You know, you two are very hot for teachers, in case you didn't know."

The matter of fact manner in which she said it left all of our mouths dropped open in shock. Whoa! I never knew Mr. Blackbourne could look like that. Sang was capable of revealing sides of the man that I had never seen before. I couldn't decide if I was bothered by what Sang said or not. I mean, it was bad enough that there were seven of us guys vying for Trouble's attention, but I felt a little uncomfortable knowing she thought of the Doc and Mr. Blackbourne like that. Quick glances at the grimace on Nathan's face lead me to believe he felt the same.

By this time, we had made it to the side of the school, rushing to the parking lot. A cold drop on my cheek had me jolting in surprise. When the fuck did it get so cloudy? I had been so focused on how fucked up Sang had been that I hadn't noticed the storm clouds rolling in. I could smell ozone in the air and the slight breeze over my sweat slicked body sent a brief shiver through my frame. I was brought back to the matter at hand when Sang dropped to her knees, appearing to have problems breathing.

Nathan steps forward in concern as the rest of us draw closer. I felt myself stiffen at the next blurb to fall from Sang's lips.

"Would it ruin everything if I kissed you?"

What the fuck did that mean? She was thinking of kissing Nathan? I felt a sudden and vicious surge of jealously pool in my stomach. Just as suddenly, I forced it down. Trouble wasn't in her right mind, clearly, and based off of what was coming out of her mouth, it was safe to say that she had zero filters between her thoughts and her mouth. I felt another burst of anger at whoever the fuck had done this to her. It was a violation that no one deserved, least of all Trouble. Beautiful, sexy, loving Trouble. By this time, Nathan had swept her up and we picked up our pace to the car. Mr. Blackbourne was on the phone talking really fast and I could only assume that he was calling Kota and letting him know what was going on.

"I think one of you likes me but then you back off. What's up with that? Am I crazy or are you all getting close to kissing me and then backing away? Do real friends cuddle and sleep together like we do? Sometimes I just want to grab you guys and touch and kiss you but I don't know if you feel the same. Is it normal to feel like this? I'm such a bad person, I have feelings for all of you. I think. All of you make me think things. I miss ALL of you. I like sleeping with ALL of you. You guys are going to get jealous and fight over me and I'll fall apart. I don't want people fighting over me. How am I supposed to pick one? Do you guys all really not care if we all date? Are we dating? Can you date nine guys at once?"

There was so much in that ramble of Sang's stream of consciousness that I didn't even know what to process first. At the thought of the others almost kissing Sang, I felt another burst of envy well up, bitter on my tongue. I hadn't even gotten close to doing that with her and it touched on my deep feelings of inadequacy. I pushed through those feelings and felt my heart soften at her fears about intimacy with us. She was so naïve and unsure of herself around us, it amazed me. It fucking killed me to hear her call herself a bad person. Trouble was the most beautiful fucking person I had ever met. She glowed from the inside out and I just wanted to hug her tight and assuage her fears. I found myself focusing on her questions about dating.

I couldn't make my mind wrap around that idea. Date all nine of us? Was that even possible? The fact that she even said it sent a rush of excitement through me. She said all nine, right? That meant she had thought about dating me at least once. I mean, that's what it fucking meant, right? Did that mean she considered me something other than a good friend? I had always assumed she just thought of me as a funny, dorky friend. Maybe even a brother or something. To hear her saying she wanted to date me in any context seemed almost too much to bear. Nevermind that she said it in context of dating us all simultaneously. I couldn't bring myself to think about that. I would just get too riled up and the things she was proposing left me way too hopeful. If she didn't really mean it, I would be crushed.

Sang had continued up her diatribe of her stream of conscious all the way to Mr. Blackbourne's BMW. I had missed some of what she had said, but her moods and trains of thought were swinging wildly around and around. The pinched look of concern on the Doc's face and Mr. Blackbourne's somber expression only shot up my concern. Nathan's face was pinched with the strain of listening to whatever Sang had been saying and his eyes were etched in grim determination.

We jumped into the back of the car, Nathan cradling Trouble to his chest and keeping her as still as possible. Her rambling just kept going on and on. The topic of her thoughts kept switching faster than any of us could really answer. I don't think it would really matter anyways. I had a strong suspicion that Sang was paying us the least bit of attention.

"Stupid Volto. Stupid pictures."

"I don't know where your heads are really at."

"I think together we could conquer the world."

"I know I hold back when I'm with you. I have to hold back. I think sex would be amazing. The people in the books I read always say that sex is good. Would I be bad at it? Do you guys think about sex when you're with me? The books said that guys always think about sex. Is that all you guys think about or all that you would want me with? Maybe we should just start with making out. Would you guys want to make out? If we made out would you be seeing other girls and making out with them too? I've really wanted to kiss some of you. I've been really close but I didn't want you to get mad or for it to be wrong."

Lalalalalalalala. That was all I could think of at that moment. I wasn't listening to this shit! I can't listen to this shit. The thought of Sang and sex in the same sentence imploded my brain. I may be a virgin still, but I was in no way ignorant to the mechanics. I mean, I'm a fucking guy with 8 other guys as family. We share stories and shit. I fought my brain to just focus on the road outside as we raced down the highway. Mr. Blackbourne's hands were rigid on the steering wheel, his gaze locked straight forward and a muscle in his jaw ticked every so often. The Doc was glancing between the road and Sang, his eyes bright with concern. That alone sent a thrill of terror through me. If the Doc was concerned, then I sure as hell was too.

I snap back out of my internal fear when I felt Sang crawl into my lap, like a fucking cat. I get my first good look at her since the field and my fear sky-rocketed. Her face is flushed as if she has a high grade fever and her eyes are dark black wells. The green of her eyes make up just the tiniest sliver of the outside of her irises and the glaze in her eyes appears worse. Before I can comprehend what is happening, Sang is leaning back and pulling her shirt off. My brain froze in shock.

Sang's bra was right in front on me. Sang's bra which cupped those beautiful, glorious mounds was pressed right in front of my face. Like two fucking inches. My face was on fucking fire. I could fry eggs on them, I swear! Eggs were round, like Sang's bre- Stop it you fucking perve!

"Pumpkin, put your shirt back on please."

I sent a silent prayer above as the Doc's calm command to Sang. I could not handle a half naked Sang on my lap right now and surely she would listen to him. I suddenly find my face buried between Sang's breast and I swear the world froze, as did my lungs. I couldn't breathe! I couldn't fucking think, much less move at the moment. I heard Nathan curse to my left and Mr. Blackbourne swerved slightly. She finally pulled back and I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust any moment. This was the cruelest fucking torture ever. Seriously! I know Sang was talking but I'm pretty sure my brain shut down somewhere between Sang taking off her blouse and my face being shoved into her chest.

Suddenly she's rubbing her face into my chest and I look up to find the Doc looking at me with something akin to sympathy. I'm pretty sure my face was frozen in a look of horrified embarrassment. I have no clue where to put my hands and they hover awkwardly in the air. Sang's practically topless in my lap, snuggling into my chest, and she feels so damn good, I want to punch something for this torture. Or cry. At the touch of her tiny, perfect hands on my face and her face leaning in ever so slowly to mine, I freak out and push her back. I can't do that to her! She'd fucking hate me when she sobered up.

"Why don't you want me? Is it my fault? Do you like someone else, do you all like someone else? Am I not good enough?"

Each of her questions was like a fucking dagger to my heart! How the hell could she think that? Didn't she know that she was the one? The only fucking girl for me! She was so beautiful and perfect and could do so much better than me.

"Will we have the same relationship if we start dating, are you guys going to make me pick just one of you? Are you guys going to ask me to be exclusive? If one of you did that would the others get mad? If we have the same relationship as now will I develop stronger feelings for you or for the others?"

I can't listen to anymore. I couldn't do this. Stop it, stop it, STOP IT! This was beyond cruel torture. I felt like I was in agony. I wasn't strong enough to handle this shit. The moment I felt drops of her tears soak through my chest and heard her first sob, I was fucking wreaked. No Trouble, please, please don't do this to me! I could be at my strongest, but one fucking tears from her could gut me in .3 seconds flat. I became suddenly aware that Sang was beginning to vibrate in my arms. The shudders were getting more and more violent and her breathing was slowing down.

"Oy! Trouble! Hey, stay the fuck with me! Sang!"

"Peanut, stay with me please!"

"Oy, Trouble, we're almost there! Doc! Do something, we're losing her!"

I felt her mumble something against my neck and then she went completely lax. I couldn't feel her breathe inwards and I just fucking lost my shit. I started shaking her in my panic and I failed to notice that Mr. Blackbourne had swerved right up to the Academy hospital entrance. The next thing I know, Dr. Green was wrenching Sang from my grasp and sprinting to the ER. I followed after as quickly as I could and found a hoard orderlies hovering around Sang on a gurney. They shot rapid fire questions at Dr. Green and Mr. Blackbourne, but I couldn't hear them and I honestly didn't care. Sang had stopped breathing on me and she was turning fucking blue. The mass of people reached a swing door and when Dr. Green moved to follow after, he was pushed back. I couldn't comprehend the words, but I saw him begin debating with the doctor who had stopped him, His frantic hand movements were quickly joined by all out bellows in rage, but the doctor held firm and refused him access.

It took Mr. Blackbourne several minutes to pull the Doc back and to calm him down. Nathan and I were frozen where we stood, looking shell shocked and grieved. Mr. Blackbourne ordered us to sit and we began what felt like the longest wait of my life. I wasn't sure how long we sat there in tense silence, but the ER doors suddenly burst inwards and the enraged ball of anxiety that was North swept into the room like a fucking hurricane. The others were right behind and they rushed their way over.

Their questions and demands washed over me like a frantic tide and I knew I should be answering, but I just couldn't make my mind work past the last image of Sang I had, pale with blue-tinged lips. It was so fucking wrong. Sang was never supposed to look like that, never again. I was aware of Mr. Blackbourne and the Doc answering their questions, with Nathan speaking up intermittently. All I could think was that I can't do this. I can't handle this fucking shit. Why Sang? Why is it always my Trouble? It was too damn cruel and life was a fucking bitch.

A light touch on my shoulder had me looking into the concerned brown eyes of Luke. His own face was carved with tension and grief, but he was searching my eyes in question. Are you ok, man? Am I ok? No, I was not fucking ok. Not even a little bit. Sang could fucking die right now and I would never be able to hold her again or have the chance to tell her I loved her. ]

I fucking loved her.

The moment I acknowledged the sentiment, I fucking lost it. Luke understood and just crouched down in front of me, his hands soothing on my shoulders and arms. I felt wracking sobs heave through my frame and as I broke down and cried for the first time since my family died, Luke sat there with me. I couldn't hear a fucking word he said, but it didn't matter, because he was there and alive and this helped anchor me before I shattered into a million pieces.

Sang was in the exam room for two of the longest fucking hours of my life. She had gone into respiratory arrest which had lead to cardiac arrest. It took them 5 fucking minutes to get her heart restarted. Five minutes that Sang died. My mind shied away from this because I never want to consider that reality ever. Sang was not allowed to leave us like that. To leave me. The doctor's had pumped her stomach in an attempt to get as much of the drug out of her system as possible. Unfortunately, it had mostly been already absorbed into her blood stream.

The doctors still didn't know what she had been drugged with. They had sent her blood work off to a lab to be analyzed and we wouldn't know for a few days. Whatever it was, it had been too high of a dose. It had sent her body into shock and she had shut down. If I ever get my hands on the motherfucker who did this to Sang, I would rip his balls out from his throat. Then I would give him to North. Out of all of us, North actually knew what Sang had experienced and it had been a rough time for him. Sang was like half his size and it had almost killed her. The black look on his face bespoke of a slow and drawn out ending of whoever was responsible for hurting our girl. I feel we all would have wanted to take a shot at them, but it was Mr. Blackbourne and the Doc who would have the final blow. The ice in their eyes would have sent lesser men running for the hills. And this asshat was a fucking coward, obviously. He was the lowest of the low and they were men with terrifying skills.

I hope we caught the sorry son of a bitch. I wanted to watch them die screaming. Maybe I should be disturbed at the level of malice in my thoughts, but I just had to take one look at Sang hooked up to a ventilator to wipe that thought away. Death would be too good for the fucker. But I couldn't worry about that right now. For now we had to make sure Trouble was on the mend, that she was safe and whole. She looked so vulnerable on the large bed, somehow more tiny than ever before. She looked as if one touch would shatter her into a million little pieces. Like Humpty Dumpty, never to be whole again. But she was going to be ok, I had to tell myself. The doctors said she was on the mend, and the Doc agreed. The ventilator was a precautionary measure, just to rest her strained lungs. She would be fine in just a little bit and we could all breathe easier.

But this had been way too damn close. We had come within millimeters of losing the most precious person in our lives. And when Sang woke up and greeted us all with that fucking beautiful smile of hers and our minds unwound and our bodies relaxed? Then we were going on the hunt. And someone was going to fucking pay.


End file.
